My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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