i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
