Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
