somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Panties = found
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
