ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
