You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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