wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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