just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
