when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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