Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
