he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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