between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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