So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
