I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
