I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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