he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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