Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
