What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
someone threw a dead crab at me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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