Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
