Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can't special order awesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I touched a dick in church today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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