jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
