we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
