thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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