I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
