I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
