Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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