i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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