all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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