glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
