He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
