I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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