The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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