I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
