mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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