Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
