maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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