I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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