What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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