Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
worst night to have a conscience
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
