if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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