Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
