your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
