that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you had me at cake vodka
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
