Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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