Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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