Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
