1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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