I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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