did you get engaged???
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
