Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
