can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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