Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
