Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
