Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize