i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
