i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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