If that was your dad, he is hot
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
