I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
