Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
