OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
