I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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