did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
