____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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