I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
