Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
