do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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