literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
