just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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