i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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