Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
