You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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