i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
