Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
