He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
