your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
