You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
