She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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