Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
