I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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