Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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