Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
