i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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