Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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