His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
