So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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