don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
