Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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